Stoicism: Finding Happiness in What’s Under Your Control

Author: Matthew Pianalto
Category: Ethics, Historical Philosophy, Existentialism and Phenomenology
Word Count: 998

Things don’t always go how we want. People disappoint or annoy us. We disappoint ourselves. We become ill or get fired from our jobs. It rains on our wedding day. Such occurrences can be upsetting: we might get angry, sad, or scared.

The things that upset us often aren’t in our control. Stoic philosophers argue that it isn’t wise to allow these events to upset us. Instead, we need to regulate our emotions. Stoics advise us to calmly accept what isn’t up to us and to concentrate on what we can control: our beliefs, judgments, and choices. For Stoics, this is the key to a happy—and good—life.

This essay introduces some basic Stoic ideas.

1. History

Stoicism originated in ancient Greece about two thousand years ago and became an influential ethical system, with many adherents even today. The Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius practiced Stoicism, as did the statesman Seneca. Stoicism’s appeal wasn’t limited to the privileged: Epictetus, who was enslaved for part of his life, was also a Stoic.^[1]

The Stoics believe that the universe is rationally ordered: everything happens for a reason.^[2] The good life involves accepting one’s circumstances, and responding to them with reason and virtue: acting logically, with courage, patience, justice, and moderation.^[3]

Stoics promote an egalitarian view about people: all humans have equal worth that is rooted in our shared capacity for thought. Our possessions, education, and social standing do not make us inherently superior or inferior to anyone else.^[4] We are all equal citizens of the world, part of a single human community.

2. The Fundamental Distinction

Epictetus’ Handbook begins with the most important distinction in Stoic ethics: some things are up to us (in our control), and some things are not.

Our thoughts, opinions, and intentions are up to us; what we control is internal, in our minds. Everything external—our bodies, property, other people’s opinions—isn’t up to us.^[5] Our bodies are subject to sickness and injury even if we try to be healthy. The same is true of material possessions, which can break or be stolen. Other people form their own opinions; we can try to persuade others, but we don’t control anyone’s opinions but our own.

If we try to control things that aren’t up to us, we will be unhappy.^[6] If instead we focus on what is up to us, we can discover how to respond well to any situation. Suppose a cherished possession breaks. We can throw a fit or we can calmly pick up the pieces.^[7] Stuff breaks; a tantrum won’t change that.

Marcus Aurelius begins his Meditations by reminding himself that every day he is going to encounter people who are ignorant, incompetent, annoying, and unethical: that’s just how some people are.^[8] Getting upset about them only makes matters worse. Plus, if they’re trying to get on our nerves, then we’re giving our control to them if we get upset.

If a coworker says something insulting, we could let it bother us.^[9] Or we could ignore it or try to understand why they said it: maybe they’re having a bad day, and we could help them. Dealing calmly with everyday occurrences like this is a prerequisite to acting virtuously in more difficult situations.

Epictetus even notoriously claims that the person who has trained themselves to focus on what they control will not become upset when a loved one dies.^[10] Many bristle at this remark, finding it unrealistic and callous. But Epictetus doesn’t mean Stoics won’t feel pangs of grief when loved ones die. Rather, Stoics will bear the loss without losing their ability to think logically. Death is part of life; accepting this fact with dignity and grace is part of focusing on what is up to us.^[11]

Epictetus says that everything has “two handles.”^[12] One handle makes the thing bearable and the other makes it unbearable. It’s up to us to grasp a situation by the “handle” that makes it bearable. If we break our leg, we might focus on the time we’ll lose at work or our inability to do some activity we enjoy: we’ll be unhappy. Instead, we should focus on what we can do while recuperating, like catching up on some reading or talking to our friends. We can exercise virtues (e.g. patience and friendliness) even when we’re sick or injured.^[13]

3. Criticisms

Stoics are criticized as being cold, detached, and defeatist.^[14] Some argue that Stoics are wrong to reject strong emotions; sometimes it is right to get angry or feel sad. Critics also worry that Stoicism leads to inaction and “giving up” in the face of misfortune and injustice: if people accepted their situations, then slavery would still exist in the United States, and women would not be able to vote!^[15]

But Stoics acknowledge that some feelings are good: when danger looms, it’s good to feel caution so that we don’t respond inappropriately. When we succeed in acting virtuously—e.g., with courage, wisdom, or justice—in a difficult situation, it’s good to feel joy.^[16] The problem is that emotions like anger and fear prompt us to think and act in harmful and irrational ways.^[17]

In urging us to accept our circumstances calmly, Stoics aren’t suggesting that we do nothing or “give up” in difficult situations. We must make a thoughtful decision on how best to respond when others act unjustly or natural disasters occur. If we let ourselves be consumed by anger or sadness, we may act just as badly or fail to act at all. In tough times, Stoics will persevere and do what they can to help.^[18]

4. Conclusion

Life can be hard. Stoics urge us not to make it harder by worrying about things that we can’t control. Instead, we should examine our situation and consider how we can respond to it with courage, patience, and respect toward others and ourselves. Doing this prepares us both to confront adversity gracefully and not to squander wealth, health, and friendship when we have them: we will use our time wisely.^[19] For Stoics, that is happiness.^[20]

Notes

^[1] Marcus Aurelius (121 CE-180 CE) wrote his Meditations in Greek; Seneca (c. 4 BCE-65 CE) wrote in Latin; The Discourses of Epictetus (c. 50 CE-c.135 CE) and The Handbook were compiled by Epictetus’ student Arrian. For further introduction to Stoicism, see Durand et al (2023), Pigliucci’s entry on stoicism in the Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy, and Irvine (2008). Links to online English translations of some Stoic primary sources are provided in Durand et al.

^[2] Marcus Aurelius, for example, writes: “Universal nature set out to create a universe; and now it is either the case that all that comes to be does so as a necessary consequence, or else even the most important things, to which the ruling principle of the universe directs its own efforts, lie outside the rule of reason. Remember this, and you will face many a trouble with a calmer mind” (Meditations, Book 7, No. 75).

^[3] The Stoics trace their ethical ideas back to Socrates, who claims in Plato’s Apology that a good person cannot be harmed by a vicious person and who faced his own death with integrity and equanimity. See, for example, several references to Socrates in Epictetus’ Handbook (e.g. §5, 51, and 53). The core idea is that virtue is necessary and sufficient for a good life: acting virtuously is what makes our life good. We harm ourselves by acting viciously, but no one can compel us to make a vicious choice. We have the power to resist, to be steadfast in our commitment to virtue (including justice). Stoic virtue ethics differs from Aristotle’s virtue ethics in that Aristotle holds that virtue is necessary for happiness but not sufficient; happiness also requires some external goods. On the difference, see Galuzzo (2017). For a short introduction to virtue ethics, see Virtue Ethics by David Merry.

^[4] For example, Epictetus says: “These statements are not valid inferences: ‘I am richer than you; therefore I am superior to you’, or “I am more eloquent than you; therefore I am superior to you.’….you are identical neither to your property nor with your speaking” (The Handbook, §44).

^[5] Epictetus, The Handbook, §1.

^[6] The Stoic conception of happiness falls under the “Virtue Theory” category in Happiness: What is it to be Happy? by Kiki Berk.

^[7] Epictetus, The Handbook §3.

^[8] Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 2, §1.

^[9] On dealing with difficult people, see Epictetus, The Handbook, §20, 28, and 33.

^[10] Epictetus, The Handbook §3. On coping with death, see also §5, 11, and 16. Interestingly, although disagreeing about the nature of happiness, the Epicureans agree with the Stoics that death is not to be feared or lamented. See Is Death Bad? Epicurus and Lucretius on the Fear of Death by Frederik Kaufman.

^[11] Consider, for example, that when a loved one passes away, it may be our responsibility to make funeral arrangements and handle their estate; we need to try to keep ourselves together well enough to fulfill these obligations appropriately. Of course, we may feel sad and miss them. But Epictetus warns us that it is foolish to live as though we expect that none of our loved ones will ever die (The Handbook, §14). An important corollary of this warning is that a wise Stoic will make the most of the time they have with their loved ones; they won’t take opportunities to spend quality time with them for granted. For further discussion of the Stoic attitude toward death and loss, see Earp (2018).

^[12] To say there are “two handles” means to say that there are (at least) two different ways of looking at or judging things and situations. Epictetus, The Handbook, §43.

^[13] Epictetus, Discourses, Book 3, Chapter 10 (in The Complete Works).

^[14] The ordinary, colloquial meaning of “stoic” as displaying no emotion plays into this criticism, but this ordinary usage is not the whole story. See Nussbaum (1994), Chapters 10 and 11, for discussion. Notably, Nussbaum has recently revised her views about Seneca and anger, in Nussbaum (2015).

^[15] Some might especially question the ancient Stoic idea that all events occur in accordance with a rational, providential (or divine) order of nature as encouraging us to accept things as they are and even to treat all things for happening for a good reason, even when they seem unjust. Pigliucci (2017) argues that stoic ethics has value even if we do not believe that the universe is rationally ordered. It will still be the case that some things are in our control and others are not and that trying to change things we can’t will make us unhappy.

^[16] Here I’m avoiding technical details of the Stoic theory of emotions, but the basic idea is that emotions and feelings are distinct. Emotions (pathê) are strong feelings that are attached to false judgments . But some feelings can be attached to true judgments (e.g. such as the judgment that one acted well in a tough situation): these are called eupatheiai (good feeling). For further details and examples, see Section 4 of Pigliucci’s entry on “Stoicism” in the Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy, as well as Irvine (2008).

^[17] Seneca’s On Anger offers graphic examples of the horrible things people have done when gripped by the “brief madness” (i.e. insanity) of anger, in Seneca (2010).

^[18] For details and examples, see Nancy Sherman’s (2021) discussion of Stoic grit and resilience.

^[19] Seneca warns us in On the Shortness of Life: “It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it” (2005, p. 1). He suggests we waste our time in many ways: by working too much, partying too much, and becoming obsessed (“preoccupied”) with pastimes; he gives examples like spending all one’s time going to circuses and wrestling matches, but a modern equivalent might be binge-watching TV shows. Seneca doesn’t see any virtue in working yourself to death either; we need to make time for philosophical thought and conversation, and also to rest and relax with a moderate amount of wine (see “On Tranquility of Mind” in On the Shortness of Life).

^[20] Thanks to Mark Conard, Nathan Nobis, Tiina Rosenqvist, Daniel Peterson, Matt Sanderson, and Kristin Seemuth Whaley for suggestions that helped improve and deepen this short essay.

References

Aurelius, Marcus (2011). Meditations. Translated by Robin Hard. Oxford University Press. (Originally written in Greek c. 170-180 CE)

Epictetus (2022). The Complete Works. Edited and translated by Robin Waterfield. University of Chicago Press. (Originally compiled in Greek by Arrian c. 108 CE)

Epictetus (1983). The Handbook (The Encheiridion). Translated by Nicholas P. White. Hackett. Originally compiled in Greek by Arrian c. 108 CE)

Durand, Marion, Simon Shogry, and Dirk Baltzly (2023). “Stoicism.” Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy (Spring 2023 Edition), Edward N. Zalta & Uri Nodelman (eds.).

Earp, Brian D. (2018, August 21). “Against Mourning.” Aeon.

Galluzzo, Gabriele (2017, June 10). “Poor but Happy? Aristotle and the Stoics on External Goods.” Modern Stoicism.

Irvine, William B. (2008). A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy. Oxford University Press.

Nussbaum, Martha C. (1994). The Therapy of Desire. Princeton University Press.

Nussbaum, Martha C. (2015). “Transitional Anger.” Journal of the American Philosophical Association 1(1): 41-56.

Pigliucci, Massimo (2017). How to Be a Stoic: Using Ancient Philosophy to Live a Modern Life. Basic Books.

Pigliucci, Massimo. “Stoicism.” Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy. Last Accessed 3/25/2025.

Seneca (2005). On the Shortness of Life. Translated by C. D. N. Costa. Penguin. (Originally written in Latin c. 49 CE)

Seneca, Lucius Anneus (2010). Anger, Mercy, Revenge. Translated by Robert A. Kaster and Martha C. Nussbaum. University of Chicago Press. (Originally written in Latin c. 45-56 CE)

Sherman, Nancy (2021). Stoic Wisdom: Ancient Lessons for Modern Resilience. Oxford University Press.

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About the Author

Matthew Pianalto is a Professor of Philosophy at Eastern Kentucky University. He is the author of On Patience (2016) and numerous articles and book chapters on ethics. eku.academia.edu/MatthewPianalto

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